I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
