I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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