you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
