did you get engaged???
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
