Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
