I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
