Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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