girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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