Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
