We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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