Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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