Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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