You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
