So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
so much tequila, so little girl.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
