CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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