yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
