I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize