You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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