Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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