i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
