So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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