Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
