What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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