Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
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i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
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I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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