You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
