i think my mom watched the whole time
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
