I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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