Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
