Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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