I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
