Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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