dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
