I'm so fucking centered right now
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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