I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
