Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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