they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
