my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
