On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
