well most of my day revolves around power hour
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
