halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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