If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
