I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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