9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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