OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
