take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
