dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
