I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My penis needs a shock collar
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
