Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
