Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
