we're blogging at a bar
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
