omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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