I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
