so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
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I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
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When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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