i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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