I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
