If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We left the knife in your bed.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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