So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize