i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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