The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
