wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
