On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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