Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
