How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
