there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
