How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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