well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
