I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
