if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
