it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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