I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
