you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
