whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
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I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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