I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
