Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
