The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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